25 Really Useful Things to Know
1.)
If you should ever try to give a dolphin a blow
job, beware you’ll likely be decapitated by their happy ending. Dolphin sperm
is extremely forceful, allowing it to traverse high powered ocean currents when
impregnating females.
2.)
Wearing orange sunglasses at night may block
unnatural blue light from deactivated your melatonin production. Melatonin is a
critical hormone element of circadian rhythms. Wearing orange sunglasses at
night is thus a logical preventative measure against risk factors for sleep
deprivation, cancer, and mental destabilization.
3.)
Pittsburgh has the largest populations of
furries in the country. Furries are a large faction of society who identify as stuffed
animals, or simply prefer stuffed animals sexually.
4.)
If you are withdrawing from SSRIs don’t take
XTC, or hallucinogens like psilocybin that act heavily on serotonin receptors,
you may be susceptible to serotonin overdose which may put you at risk for
becoming rather permanently psychotic
5.)
If you want to spot an undercover police car
look for a large search light on the interior of their car, located by the left
rear view mirror
6.)
The first slave revolt that secured the freedom
of survivors against the transatlantic slave trade took place in Haiti
following the French Revolution. Napoleon
Bonaparte had used slaves to fight for French liberation, promising them false
freedom. The message of liberty,
equality and brotherhood for all, spread to all against the will of those who had
been proselytizing it so loudly. It can be known the rhetoric of pain is more powerful than those who abuse it.
7.)
High speed Tokyo bullet trains operate using
superconductors. Superconductors can
reject magnetic fields because their electrons are in a completely homeostatic
electrical state. They can pair off and provide a frictionless electrical
lattice for current to flow through. This
allows the Bullet trains to float on their track with zero friction and reach
speeds of 200mph.
8.)
Cupids are depictions of rotund babies from the Victorian
era, who were not fed by breast feeding and instead were given animal milk with
little to no nutrients. They became bloated and ill. As fat at that time was considered a sign of
healthiness most of the ‘cherub’ babies we now recognize on valentine’s day
hallmark cards are authentically depictions of the hundreds of dead infants
from well off families who fell victim to absurd medical information.
9.)
Gift Giving was not customary during Christmas
until the industrial revolution when consumer markets honed in on a potential
for increased sales
10.) Butterflies
stab turtles in the eyes and drink their tears.
It is extremely beneficial for their immune systems.
11.) The
letter e is a mathematical symbol. e is a factor in the computation of the bell
curve, which population distributions and tests of illness or atypical behavior
are measured against. The letter e was
discovered by a man who measured thousands of male chests without explanation.
It was after he somehow published the data of male chest measurements that it
was discovered the mathematical formulas derived from his data applied to all known
life forms. The rate of change of the
average across samples is therefore graphically identical between the sexuality
activity of ligers, the likeliness of having Zanex not cause health problems
amongst middle class housewives, and the average male chest circumference in Italy
during the renaissance.
12.) The
band New Order was also known as Joy division before the lead singer committed
suicide who had outfitted the band with a driving bass line and haunting
poetry, the memory of which was trampled in the wake of synthesizers and songs
about threesomes.
13.) Victorian
era corsets used to be prescribed to young girls, and opium was prescribed at
infancy, available from the doctor to prevent impolite crying.
14.) When
someone is told their being given an opioid but it’s actually a placebo their
body increases the amount of endogenous or ‘internally produced’ opioids in
their system. This is true even if
someone has never been given a pain killer before.
15.) According
to Alfred Einstein insanity is asking the same question over and over again and
expecting different answers. So depending
on what time frame is under suspicion of repetitious curiosity, Alfred Einstein
would have technically considered all experimental scientists insane.
16.) Blossom
was leader of the power puff girls, and is also used in slang by John Waters to
refer to someone who has been bottomed so much their anus has inverted
17.) According
to the mathematical theorem of Kurt Gödel in 1931 you cannot have an algebraic
system that is entirely complete and consistent, the two are mutually exclusive. Completeness is fleeting, and consistency is
incomplete.
18.) The
Lakota tribe moves through four spirit worlds during Sweat Lodge ceremony’s, as
the soul sweats beyond the confines of the body.
19.) The
danse macabre means, dance of the dead. It is best known as a symphony based on
cathedral works of art discovered from medieval times depicting cathartic
breakouts of dance during the black plague. These supposedly uncontrollable
illegal outbursts followed a law stating that the entirety of Europe was
prohibited from dancing. The grim sentencing of European’s to lose their rhythm
for hundreds of years followed a misinterpretation of ‘gods will’ regarding
several parties that involved pagan rituals.
At the rituals the main events were dancing, drinking, and kissing plague
ridden corpses. When everyone died after
the parties it seemed obvious to the faithful at the time that the dancing had
been the culprit. These rather raucous parties were also the basis of the plot
line for sleeping beauty.
20.) The
upward location of north pole on a map is completely relative. The association of up with north was a
tactical method during early cartography to maintain European’s delusion of hierarchical
authority by abusing visual representations of the universe.
21.) A
large percentage of Merriam’s Webster’s original dictionary was written by
volunteers, the largest contribution to Merriam Webster’s original content was
submitted by a man who spent his life writing panel chosen definitions from within
a mental institution.
22.) Words
are like back alleys. The more time you
spend in each particular one the less intimidating they seem.
